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Judge Scott
Those of you who have experienced a 24 Hours of LeMons race in Texas or Louisiana know all about Judge Scott, the Segway-ridin’ Marine who allows neither rain, nor snow, nor gloom of night to deter him from his appointed rounds of discipline. However, even those LeMons vets who race in other regions have likely experienced some of the diabolical innovative penalties that sprang from the mind of our favorite Lone Star District Court Judge. Let’s check out a few Judge Scott’s creations.
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The Bob Ross Penalty has been one of our all-time favorites since the moment Judge Scott created it for the ‘09 season. It goes like this: The miscreant driver puts on the Bob Ross wig (which has become quite paint-coated by this time), grabs a bunch of paint and brushes, and the whole team must pick a painting from Bob’s book and execute it on a suitable surface of their race car.
 
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We tend to hand out at least a few Bob Ross penalties per race; I’d say that close to 100 cars have had landscapes painted on their hoods, trunks, or roofs.
 
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For the Bob Ross alone, Judge Scott would have earned a place in LeMons Supreme Court history… but that’s just the beginning!
 
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The Habitat For Dogmanity penalty? Judge Scott.
 
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The ever-popular Crappy Driver penalty requires the miscreant driver to be pushed around the paddock atop a wheeled toilet, while his or her teammates shout apologies to the other teams.
 
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The Tom Landry Dance Party! I’m not sure how this one went (North Dallas Hooptie race happened on the same weekend as my wedding), but it looks good.
 
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Judge Scott was the LeMons Supreme Court justice who recognized the great penalty potential stored within a simple roll of shrink-wrap plastic. You can wrap a bad driver to his or her car’s roof and have the teammates push the car around for a while…
 
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You can shrink-wrap the whole team together. You can shrink-wrap them to telephone poles, engine hoists, trash cans, whatever!
 
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Judge Scott’s day job running a printing company has been a big help when it comes to producing props for his more complex penalties. The Battleship Penalty is a good example: in this one, two miscreant teams park their cars on either side of a custom tarp. Each team takes turns lobbing water balloons over the barrier; when one team gets three hits on its opponents’ car, the “battleship has sunk” and the winner is free to go race.
 

The Marching Band Penalty stands as one of Judge Scott’s Greatest Hits; he managed to recruit a local junior-high marching band to learn “Jailhouse Rock” and then come to MSR to lead miscreant racers on shame-inducing parades around the facilities.
 
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Speaking of parades, the Judge Scott Segway Parade Of Humiliation always makes an impression.
 
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Even though he has all kinds of pressing family and business responsibilities (not to mention constant pain from his Iraq War injuries), Judge Scott manages to find the time and energy to work his ass off on the LeMons Supreme Court bench when we roll into the Gulf region. He did most of the Penalty Box heavy lifting at the recent 24-straight-hours Laissez Les Crapheaps Roulez race, staying up all night for the graveyard shift while the rest of us caught some Zs at the motel. Here we see him grabbing a quick nap in his disco-ized Penalty Box Rest Facility; what you can’t see is the team running a Sawzall about 36 inches from his head.
 
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So remember, racers: next time you come to MSR, Eagles Canyon, or The Circuit At Grand Bayou, be sure you keep Judge Scott in mind while you’re shopping for Supreme Court bribes!

2 Responses to “Judge Scott Adds Many Weapons To LeMons Supreme Court Arsenal-O-Cruelty”

  1. Chuck

    He is one of the great ones, I am one of the ones behind the scences that move his crap around, the dog house is on my trailer right now. The toilet has been there before as well.

  2. Brian

    We all love these penalties. These awesome displays are what separates Lemons from some other un-named cheapo racing series.

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