Ever since Los Angeles artist Jason Torchinsky and henchmen built the Make:Way Escort for the Demolition Derby at Altamont 24 Hours of LeMons race (the Escort went on to star in the famous OK Go Rube Goldberg video), we’ve known that Mr. Torchinsky had the makings of a great
serial killer 24 Hours of LeMons judge.
We put the LeMons Supreme Court robes on him at the ‘09 Buttonwillow LeMons race and he produced such memorable penalties as the Luxury Upgrade (huge cup holders full to the brim of sticky-ass orange soda— don’t spill!) and the Make Your Car a Saturn penalty.
Fast-forward to last weekend, and Judge Torchinksy was so eager to torment miscreant racers that he dragged his wife and newborn baby up to Merle Haggard country, donned the robe and the Native TeXXXan pink cowboy hat, and introduced a couple of instant classics to the LeMons Penalty Canon:
The first one is the Motor Mummenschanz penalty, inspired by these incomprehensible Swiss mimes. The team members must choose an engine type, arrange themselves in a pattern representing that engine’s pistons, and then act out the firing order as Judge Torchinsky orders them to speed up, slow down, and throw rods. Let’s check out one team doing a Slant Six impression:
Next up was the Don Draper penalty, in which miscreant teams must don horrible thrift-store neckties (provided by Judge Torchinsky) and put together a sales pitch— complete with storyboards— for their race car. Here’s a video showing one team that really ran with the idea versus another that wouldn’t be able to sell ammo to Texans: