The LeMons Supreme Court is nothing if not culturally sensitive, so we like to honor regional traditions when we come to town. For the first state to secede from the Union in 1860, we decided to educate miscreant drivers with a penalty inspired by Southern nuptial customs: the Shotgun Wedding Penalty! 
Now before you sub-Mason-Dixon types get all upset about Yankee carpetbaggers presuming to understand your sacred rituals, be aware that this penalty was conceived and executed by LeMons HQ staffer (and creator of the Royal Wedding Penalty) Kim, who was born and raised in Georgia. Here we see her taking an invigorating sip of white lightning from the traditional mason jar. 
As we all know, the bride in a shotgun wedding must be visibly pregnant, so Kim provided a bicycle helmet to be strapped around the midsection. The wedding dress goes on after that. 
What’s a wedding without a bridesmaid? 
The glowing bride, nattily attired groom, and tears-of-joy-soaked bridesmaid head out to the scene of the joyous union (a Dodge Hemi pickup truck parked in the Penalty Box). 
Daddy waits with his de-sleeved flannel shirt and shotgun. 
The wedding party members wave rebel flags as they await the arrival of Preacher Jay. We had Hayseed Dixie’s version of “Feel Like Makin’ Love” playing as accompaniment. 

Unfortunately, I had my camera set to shoot super-slo-mo video by mistake, so the ceremony itself was captured at a surreal-looking molasses-in-January pace. Maybe it’s even better when viewed that way. 
After the vows, the wedding party did a lap around the paddock, to the cheers of the other teams. 


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4 Responses to “Welcome To South Carolina: Shotgun Wedding Penalty!”

  1. Rockford Brodie

    Wait, since Jay’s an actual minister, does that mean those two dudes are actually married? They’d better hope they get the “hasty annulment” penalty at the next race.

  2. FuzzyPlushroom

    It’s South Carolina, Jake. It’ll take a Supreme Court decision in a few decades before *that* will happen.

  3. CraigSu

    So where’s the photo of Kim AFTER drinking the ‘shine?

  4. mechimike

    The crowd began cheering “kiss! kiss! kiss!” after the ceremony, and was insistent. You could see the deer-in-the-headlights look the “groom” had, but the crowd was relentless. They finaly let him off with a peck on the check, after which he no doubt had to go find a prostitute to go fornicate with to self-assure himself of his non-homosexuality.

    Also, what’s this fixation Kim has with weddings?

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