The BRIBED stencil has been a Lemons Supreme Court tradition since the first South Carolina event in 2008. Since 2012, every race has had a unique stencil, which has resulted in seven years of commemorative artwork on the race cars of teams who wanted to keep it fair. Here are the stencils applied to racin’ machines during the 2018 Lemons season.
The 2018 season began at Barber Motorsports Park in Birmingham, Alabama, with the ‘Shine Country Classic. I made the stencil based on the logo of the Flying Pigeon Bicycle, the most-produced vehicle in human history.
Then came the Arizona D-Bags race, which got my stencil based on the stickers slapped on hooptie cars that are about to get towed away.
Because we were hosting Radwood at the 2018 Sears Pointless race, only one design would do for my stencil: the squiggly pastels from the excruciatingly 1990s Jazz Solo Cup.
The race at NOLA Motorsports Park was our first trip to that fine facility, but we’d been to many races in Louisiana during the early years of the series. Because the 2011 Cain’t Git Bayou event at No Problem Raceway lured only 18 dedicated racers to the bayou country in sweaty-ass August, the original SUBORNÉ (the French word for BRIBED) stencil only went onto a handful of cars. I decided to recreate it for our glorious return to Louisiana.
Judge Eric made the stencil for the Joliet Prison Break, representing the Gemini Muffler Man.
For the Southern Discomfort race in South Carolina, Judge Steve made a Dumb Spiro Bribo stencil, based on the South Carolina motto of dum spiro spero.
When we headed to the Real Hoopties of New Jersey race, it seemed time to honor that most Lemony of Opel-derived Cadillacs, the Catera, with a stencil depicting Ziggy the Catera Duck.
For reasons never satisfactorily explained, Yokohama Tire sponsors the 24 Hours of Lemons. In honor of this puzzling commitment, Judge Eric created this BRIBEOHAMA stencil for the Vodden the Hell Are We Doing race at Thunderhill.
Alferd Packer was Colorado’s answer to the cannibalistic Donner Party, and so I made this Packer-themed stencil for the B.F.E. GP at High Plains Raceway in Colorado.
Vehicles made (or badged) by Chrysler Corporation have been Index of Effluency powerhouses over the years, so Judge Eric made this Pentastar stencil for the Cure For Gingervitis race in Michigan.
I first donned the sacred robes of the Lemons Supreme Court for the 2008 South Carolina race. Ten years to the day later, I judged at the Pacific Northworst race, and this stencil— based on the very first BRIBED stencil— commemorated that dubious milestone.
P.T. Barnum hailed from Connecticut, and therefore Judge Rich sliced out this Barnumesque stencil for the 2018 GP du Lac Chargoggagogg(etcetera) race, held in Connecticut.
The Lord Humungus dismisses the oil-refining survivors’ plan to flee into the outback with their fat tank of gas as What a puny plan, which has become an important part of the Lemons Canon. The only strange thing about this stencil is that it took me more than ten years to get around to making it.
It seems wrong that a team can give the wise and fair Lemons Supreme Court justices a fully packed Snap-On roll-away toolbox as a bribe (sadly, this hasn’t happened yet, but we continue to hope) and get the exact same bribe stencil as a team that gives us a half-eaten bag of Circus Peanuts candy. To rectify this, Judge Eric made BIG BRIBE and LITTLE BRIBE stencils for the Where the Elite Meet to Cheat race.
Judge Tom forgot to make a stencil for the Smells Like AMC Spirit race in Washington (because we forgot to tell him to do so), but the members of Low Road Racing stepped up and made this Kenosha-centric stencil.
Prior to October 19, 2018, there had been 199 Lemons races in the United States. On October 19, we had two races running at the same time, and so both got official 200th Race status. The Get Yer Phil 500 race in Colorado started first (by two hours, thanks to timezone differences)— and was named after me— so I consider it to have been the true 200th race. Here’s my stencil, depicting grinding gears shedding teeth in a Lemonic frenzy.
Those pretenders to the 200th race honors at New Hampshire Motor Speedway also had a commemorative stencil, courtesy of Judge Eric.
I’ve been pushing teams to run Korean cars (South or North) for a while, and the South Fall race boasted a couple of luxurious Kias plus a Daewoo Nubira that never showed up. The stencil for that race sports the Daewoo logo and the Korean word for BRIBED.
What’s sexxxier than a Native Texxxan? Nothing, so I made this hunky, beefcakey stencil inspired by the work of Tom of Finland, for the Stuntin’ and Splodin’ Soiree at MSR Houston.
Team Tinyvette brought a 1975 Opel Sport Wagon to the Arse Freeze-a-Palooza at Sears Point, so I decided an Opel-themed stencil was in order for the occasion.
The Road Atlanta season-ender had such miserable sleety weather that few cars were dry enough to accept Judge Steve’s Happy Bribe Day stencil during the inspections. That makes this stencil one of the most collectible, and cars bearing it will sell for millions at the 2032 Barrett-Jackson auctions.
For the history of Lemons BRIBED stencils, check out the 2008-2011 stencils, 2012 stencils, 2013 stencils, 2014 stencils, 2015 stencils, 2016 stencils, and 2017 stencils.
