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Posts tagged ‘LeMons Penalties’

When you drive a terrible second-gen Camaro (yes, they’re all terrible) and you spin out repeatedly at a 24 Hours of LeMons race, the LeMons Supreme Court tends to rhyme “donuts on your lawn” with “Tony Orlando and Dawn.”

The LeMons Supreme Court is nothing if not culturally sensitive, so we like to honor regional traditions when we come to town. For the first state to secede from the Union in 1860, we decided to educate miscreant drivers with a penalty inspired by Southern nuptial customs: the Shotgun Wedding Penalty!  

With the six-races-in-seven-weeks madness I just finished, I haven’t been able to keep up with some of the new approaches used by the LeMons Supreme Court to keep miscreant racers from killing themselves and each other in their so-called race cars. The LeMons Supreme Court likes to incorporate current events into penalties (e.g. The Hosni [...]

When doing business in the Garden State, it may become necessary to eliminate troublesome rivals and bury the evidence. That’s just tradition, and the LeMons Supreme Court likes to bring local flavor to the Penalty Box when it travels to a new region.

Michigan is very proud of its famous killin’-n-grillin’ son, and rightfully so! Someday, Ted Nugent will be President of the United States, and LeMons HQ wants to be able to tell The Nuge that we were behind him all the way!  

The LeMons Supreme Court had so much fun with the Build An Engine Penalty in South Carolina and Texas that we used it again in California last weekend!  

24 Hours of LeMons drivers, particularly the West Coast variety, tend to be slow to accept blame for their spinouts, crashes, and other bad on-track behavior. The LeMons Supreme Court is here to rehabilitate LeMons miscreants, and so we’ve devised a new penalty that takes inspiration from famous conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck.   

We like to encourage miscreants trapped in the Kafkaesque labyrinth of the 24 Hours of LeMons Supreme Court to create great works of art as they serve their time. In other words, cardboard-and-duct-tape engine sculptures!   

When you’ve managed to take a LeMons win on laps with a car that sold for nearly 100 grand in the mid-1990s, you need to go the extra mile with your theme at the next race if you want to avoid massive BS laps. When Team Sgt. Schultz emailed LeMons HQ for a residual value [...]

Judge Mike had a hit with the 1990s Detroit Car Metric-SAE Fastener Mix-N-Match penalty, but that wasn’t his only contribution to LeMons Penalty Box innovation.  

When we made Mike, team captain of the legendary Tunachuckers 24 Hours of LeMons team, a LeMons Supreme Court Justice at the Southern Discomfort race, we had no idea that he’d be adding so many cruel rehabilitative penalties to the LeMons Supreme Court’s torture kit arsenal-o-fairness. Here’s one that you Sears Pointless miscreants will be [...]

Those of you who have experienced a 24 Hours of LeMons race in Texas or Louisiana know all about Judge Scott, the Segway-ridin’ Marine who allows neither rain, nor snow, nor gloom of night to deter him from his appointed rounds of discipline. However, even those LeMons vets who race in other regions have likely [...]

Ever since Los Angeles artist Jason Torchinsky and henchmen built the Make:Way Escort for the Demolition Derby at Altamont 24 Hours of LeMons race (the Escort went on to star in the famous OK Go Rube Goldberg video), we’ve known that Mr. Torchinsky had the makings of a great serial killer 24 Hours of LeMons [...]

Working for the 24 Hours of LeMons isn’t just about working hosedown on the Tilt-a-Whirl at Mayor’s Income, Tennessee, and breathing clutch dust and oil smoke all weekend. No, we also get to do a lot of flying while packing all manner of weird race-related items in our luggage, which means we get plenty of [...]

ZMOKIN ZUPERCHARGERZ!!!!!1!

November 21st, 2010

After these LeMons Forum participants discovered one of the best Craigslist car ads of all time, we decided to take their advice and make a penalty out of the text of the ad.

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